Friday Affettuoso

Affettuoso - affectionate, with tender warmth

I begin what is to become a regular weekly Friday posting in which we explore the mating habits of various species - called the Friday Affettuoso. This week we uncover the oceans answer to John Holmes - the barnacle.

Who would have guessed that the crap sticking to the hull of your precious Catamaran is in actuality the most well endowed species in the animal kingdom.

Inflating to around 50 times the length of its body, this crusty little bugger has it covered in the trouser sea-snake department.

The crustacean, once lodged, does not move for the remainder of its life. So it is important that it lands itself close to its kind. The barnacle has both male and female reproductive organs but it does not impregnate itself and will never be its own grandpa like this guy.

What the barnacle does to is whip out its massive appendage and like a Japanese commuter on an over crowded train, starts to probe its surroundings for a suitable mate with no escape route.

Once the host has been discovered and some lovely decorative coral has changed tentacles, the barnacle deposits its sperm and promises to call.

A truly beautiful arrangement. Who would have thought the Love Boat's real action took place under-hull rather than under-deck.